Those Advice shared by My Father Which Rescued Me when I became a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the actual experience quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a good place. You need support. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now better used to discussing the stress on mothers and about PND, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to hold onto negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a break - taking a short trip overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."